Don' t Give People Self-Help Books!
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Self-Help Books!
Read Some More--Your Not Done Yet!
What A Money Making Industry! 8 Billion A Year.
You Are Not Living Up To MY Expectations!
Have you ever given someone a self-help book? If you have, let me enlighten you about how you made the receiver feel!
I am not good enough the way I am! The fastest way to attack a persons identity and pull the rug out from under their self-esteem is through giving them one of these, so called useful self-help books.
If the person you gave it to thought they needed help in being a better whatever, they would have sought out help for themselves via a self-help book that they are capable of buying for themselves or via another means of securing help!
My Mother-In-Law has sent my children and I so many different types of self-help books over the last 23 years, I could open my own self-help book library! No joke! My children instead of looking forward to Christmas and Birthday presents from Grandma, dread it every year! It seems that my children need to change everything about themselves! As for me, it is the same. I have gotten everything from "How to be a better wife" to "How to be a better parent." You name it, I have received it! I can't manage money, clean house, cook, am not a good enough Christian, etc... At least she does not pick on her son, my husband!
My children have grown up knowing that they have never been good enough in their grandparents eyes. This has been terrible for their self-esteem. It has caused them to have little to no relationship with their grandparents. They do not like to be around them because it is always a negative experience. Besides the books, they are always lectured on what they could be doing better in their lives. Seldom is there EVER any positive reinforcements or accolades for what accomplishments they have made.
We, the children and I, are just fine the way we are, and we always have been! Children of coarse have their ups and downs as they are growing and learning, but that is normal. They are and always have been pretty good kids. They are 23 and 26 now, but the damage is done. The psychological damage and the family relationships are in such a state that it will take a long time to reverse the wounds caused by these self-help books being given to us! Especially to my children!
So, next time you think you are doing someone a good thing by giving them one of these self-help books, think twice about it! Think about how it would make you feel if you received one from somebody!
There is loving, constructive criticism and then there is just going too far! Buy one for yourself if you think you need it! But please do not buy one for a relative, friend, co-worker etc... What that says is that you do not think that they are living up to YOUR expectations!
Is Modern Self-Help Just A Massive Money Making Scam?
- Is Modern Self-Help Just a Massive Money-Making Scam? | PsyBlog
From humble beginnings, self-help books have now colonised huge and ever-growing areas of bookshops. Best-selling titles like 'Men Are from Mars, Women Are from
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Kebennett1
How about a book called 'A Self-Help Book For Insensitive Grandparents',Now theres an idea.You could be on to something there.Great hub.
Great hub and food for thought. I'm appalled at the plethora of prescription books out there and never understood someone's need to write such a thing. One of the best things about being alive is the diversity of human thought, experience, behaviour and soul. What goes on in the mind of someone to believe the populace needs to be hectored and lectured by them in order to improve?
Thank you breakfastpop! Many have already made their way to our Senior Centers Used Book Store and Library! Others have been trashed! I looked over the first few, back when I thought, "she must be right, there must be something wrong with me or she wouldn't be giving me these books!" Those days are very, very long gone! I'm Gods kid, and He thinks I am just fine! So does my husband! So the rest went unread!
Itakins, Nice of you to drop by! Insensitive is a good choice! I can't use other words :) That would be a good book!
Immartin thank you for your inspiring comments. I agree, we really don't need lectures from a bunch of egotistical know it alls!
I like the vigor and passion of your point of view in your article. I have found about half of the self help books that I've read have actually "helped" and truly did. So though I see your point, and it made me laugh because it reminded me of my exwife buying me books I didn't want or need! I still think there's a lot of value in self help books, especially well written, creative ones, that people search out themselves as you wrote. Can you tell I'm working on one myself! Ha!
Thanks for the food for thought!
Ben
In the Gita, Krishna warn those that want to teach those that do not want to hear is committing an immoral act. This is because you are likely to harden their hearts and it is like that they can't hear it anyway. The Bible uses a different approach, "don't cast your pearls before swine". Again to give your gifts to those who can not see the wisdom of your teachings is a lost effort as would setting your peals before swine.
There is a big difference between sharing ones wisdom and being a nosy, know it all busy body. I know my bible and follow its tenets/wisdom. I respect my elders and listen to their wisdom. But one must draw the line. If you follow Krishna and I tell you you are wrong because I say to and push books at you that you do not want because you believe in Krishna and the Gita and each time I see you I continue to tell you that you are wrong because I say so, then how would you feel? You have a right to your beliefs. I have a right to mine. My children have a right to choose what fields of education they wish to pursue, not what their grandparent believe is best. They are Christian and not Catholic no matter how hard their grandmother pushes. Who has the right to decide if you are who you should be? You and your creator do. If you NEED a self-help book because you want to change something in your life and you want help with it, you can buy one for yourself. Who are you to assume that we do not want to hear (WISDOM) or are SWINE just because we believe someone giving us self-help books when they are not asked for is wrong?
Maybe your inlaws enjoy reading self-help books beause they get something out of each of them and they just are excited about that and want to spread the joy. Don't take their wanting to spread their joy as a personal attack because it will only leave you with a closed mind. It's a big world--we can all use a little help or advice from someone else,including self-help books.
I experience this with my grandmother. She has a way of undermining me. She's not even close enough to know who I am. I can see this is her problem and not mine. But as a kid your perception is a lot smaller. Good Article.
Gosh, I guess that's why the self-help book I gave my partner for her birthday, "How to be at Least a Halfway Decent Lover," was so poorly received. :)
Seriously, even getting a self-help relationship book for yourself while in a relationship can be risky. It's great if you can somehow cooperatively get a book and work on its counsel together, but that's a fairly tall order, in my experience.
Which is sad, because almost any halfway decent self-book usually has a lot of useful info. It's not unusual, I think, for a relationship to implode unnecessarily due to poor relationship skills and wrongheaded beliefs.
Lawrence63, I have bought myself self help books and I definitely see value in them but I would NEVER buy someone else one and presume that they NEED and WANT it! I was totally insulted by my Mother-in-Law assuming that she knew I needed them to be a "better mother", "better wife", "better financial planner", "better Christian", better everything she could think of! My husband had no complaints and we have great communication between the two of us, so I would know if there was a problem because he WOULD tell me! We have been married 25 years now. Discussing issues together and buying a book together is a great idea and should be done if needed, you are right on there! Thanks for the comments!
breakfastpop Level 8 Commenter 2 years ago
Totally unacceptable gift. Throw them in the trash!!